The man was edging closer to retirement and planned to travel with his wife. But with their unplanned baby, "it's really not feasible," he says.
If this father could have his way, he would have packed his bags and left his wife of 18 years to take care of their baby boy. The 48-year-old man revealed that he and his 40-year-old wife never planned to have kids. They contently lived child-free for nearly two decades until his wife became pregnant against all the odds.
"I pushed for an abortion which she wanted originally," the man revealed. However, his wife had a change of heart and wanted to keep the baby. Once the newborn arrived, the wife "wonderfully" adjusted to her new life as a parent. But the man's case was different.
"I was planning on retiring in a few years," he wrote on Reddit. "We were going to travel since we haven't ever done much of it... Now with a child it's really not feasible."
Along with their travel plans being put on hold, the man is facing another problem that's a lot more pressing.
"This niggling sense of resentment" is the main problem, he admits.
"The fact that I'll have a teenager in my 60s fills me with dread," the father continued. "The fact that when I look at my son I don't feel love, just an overwhelming sense of responsibility. I feel horrid saying that, but this isn't the life I wanted nor dreamt of or worked hard for. I don't hate him for it. It is what it is. I'm struggling, however. Mentally mostly, I'd say. Emotionally I'm a wreck. I think I hide it well."
"It's just never ending. He goes goes goes. And screams," he went on to say. "He's never satisfied. He's cute when he laughs. He's a spitting image of me. I feel a pull towards him. I wouldn't miss him if he disappeared. I want him to be happy. I'm not happy. How will this ever work? I'm afraid of failing him and creating some sort of monster. I'm afraid I'll never be enough. I'm afraid I'll never feel content in my own home ever again. I'd run if I were a lesser man. I'd never leave them without means to care for themselves... but I'd run."
With his child now being a year old, the father still seemed to have mixed feelings and concluded, "I will never run. He needs more than just money. I don't know how to be more than just a wallet. How do I love him? How do I be everything he needs? How do I not lose myself in the process?"
After reading the man's cry for help, a number of people commented on the post and offered their advice.
"I know it's not what you would have chosen for yourself, but the fact that you're worried about what's best for him speaks well for you," wrote mm172.
k1396 said, "Men can get postnatal depression too, this is what it sounds like. You need to get into therapy. Honestly when babies are that age they do seem like a burden, especially if you were unprepared and it came as a massive shock but trust me you will learn to love him. Once he is talking and he starts developing his own personality you will look back and realise that it can be done. I'm talking just 1-2 years away."
Others commented and said that if the father is finding things rough now, it will only get worse as time passes. "If you still do not want to be a dad now, you’re going to be even more miserable through the toddler and teenage years," wrote madguins. "The screaming now turns into temper tantrums turns into puberty turns into grades and parent teacher conferences... I honestly and wholeheartedly recommend leaving. Kids know when their parents no longer get along or when their parent didn’t want them."
JorusCoffered their personal experience and said, "My dad had me when he was 50. For all his flaws, he was a really good dad... You've only seen the work side so far. In a little while, you'll begin to experience the real joy of the whole thing."
Cover image: Representational (Source: Getty Images | Photo by Anchiy)