The mother wishes things went differently that day and said, "The guilt corrodes me and it'll never end."
Trigger warning: The story contains details of murder-suicide that might be distressing to some readers.
There were no chances of survival after a 34-year-old father and his eight-month-old baby girl fell 80 feet down from the balcony of a 10-floor apartment. Both the father and child died instantly at the scene. And since then, the child's mother has felt immense regret over leaving her baby girl alone with her husband.
The 30-year-old mother, Karina Kugel, felt like she died along with her daughter, Lagertha, on that tragic day on June 30, 2020. More than a year has passed since then, and Karina is now speaking up about the horrifying day.
At the time of the incident, the father, Roman was drunk and alone with baby Lagertha at home. The police believe that the father tossed the child from the balcony, leading to Lagertha falling 10 stories down to her death.
Immediately, the father also followed and jumped off the building. Roman also died an instant death.
Oh my lord!!!!unbelievable!!!!— Maria Luke (@MarcelaHorvath7) September 1, 2021
''I died that day too. Last year, on June 30, my life ended," Karina said. "Nothing matters anymore." When the police arrived at the scene, they found the child's pram on the balcony. Close to the pram was an empty bottle of vodka that was covered with Roman's fingerprints.
As Karina now looks back at her relationship with her husband, she says "our relationship was a moral abuse." She lived with Roman for about 12 years in Minsk, Belarus, and had to deal with him constantly changing colors around her.
"He could humiliate and insult me the whole day without any reason," Karina recalled. "The next day he was full of love and tenderness."
After years of being married to Roman, Karina decided to end her relationship with him. The couple agreed to separately spend time with Lagertha after their breakup, and on the day of their deaths, Karina left her baby with Roman and left for a business trip.
"That day I prepared a meal and went away, leaving Roman to take care of our daughter," the mother said, as quoted by Mirror. "After a while, I started receiving abusive messages from him. Then he hinted that he was going to do something to hurt me."
Despite receiving the messages, Karina never thought Roman would ever hurt their baby girl.
"Within the next 20 minutes, he did what he did," Karina said. "I couldn't imagine he would have been capable of hurting our daughter. He loved her so much. I will never forgive myself for leaving my daughter with him."
"The guilt corrodes me and it'll never end," Karina continued. "After my daughter’s funeral, I searched for an opportunity to commit suicide. But my relatives and friends never left me on my own."
The one thing that kept her going is is becoming a part of a charity project named "Vyzhyt."
Through the project, Karina has received immense support from others and is trying to cope after her daughter's death.
"I'm absorbed in the project. An army of women support me and believe in me and I cannot let them down," Karina said. "I try to live even though I don’t want to."
If you or someone you know shows signs of suicidal thoughts, please reach out to 1-800-273-8255 (NCPL) or suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
Cover image source: The News/YouTube