"I didn't want to be alive anymore. I was ashamed to admit it to Harry," Meghan Markle previously said.
In 2019, Prince Harry heard his wife, Meghan Markle, admit something painful that he might not have been prepared for. She told him she no longer wanted to be alive, but what happened after the conversation is something Prince Harry still feels "somewhat ashamed" about. After she had the difficult conversation with him, Markle had to dress up and put on a face in front of the world as she accompanied Prince Harry to a public event. "I'm somewhat ashamed of the way that I dealt with it," Prince Harry told Oprah as they spoke about mental health on the Apple+ TV series, The Me You Can't See.
Even after admitting she felt like killing herself, Markle couldn't escape the responsibilities of royal life, and she attended an engagement at the Royal Albert Hall in the UK.
"Because of the system that we were in and the responsibilities and the duties that we had, we had a quick cuddle and then we had to get changed to jump in a convoy with a police escort and drive to the Royal Albert Hall for a charity event," Prince Harry admitted, as quoted by Mirror. Markle had to walk out in public while inside, she was crumbling under the pressure of royal life and of constantly being scrutinized by the media.
She had to "step out into a wall of cameras and pretend as though everything's okay," Prince Harry added.
While speaking to Oprah in an interview in March 2021, Markle also opened up about having to attend the public event right after admitting she had suicidal thoughts to her husband. "Right before we had to leave for that (event), I had just had that conversation with Harry that morning," Markle told Oprah in the interview, as quoted by BBC.
"That you don't want to be alive anymore?" Oprah asked.
"Yeah," Markle said.
That day, she held Prince Harry's hand and attended the event because she felt she could not be "left alone" by herself. While they were at the Royal Albert Hall, Markle remembers smiling when the lights were up and crying when the lights went out.
Along with revealing that she had thoughts about self-harm, Markle also told Oprah, as quoted by USA TODAY, "I didn't want to be alive anymore. I was ashamed to admit it to Harry, but I knew if I didn't say it, I would do it. I just didn’t want to be alive anymore. It was clear, it was real, it was frightening, and it was a constant thought." Currently, Prince Harry and Markle are living in the US after consciously stepping back from royal life for the sake of their mental health. As Prince Harry spoke with Oprah in the TV series, he revealed that he regrets not putting his foot down sooner.
"It's like, 'Well how bad does it have to get until I am allowed to do this?'" Prince Harry shared. "She [Meghan] was going to end her life. It shouldn't have to get to that."
Although there are still rumors about a rift between Prince Harry and members of the royal family, a royal expert claims the family will happily welcome the second baby that the couple is expecting this summer. Royal expert Nick Bullen told Us Weekly, "I am sure the royal family will welcome the new baby with open arms. A new life is often a great way to help try and repair the rifts in any family, royal or not."
If you or someone you know shows signs of suicidal thoughts, please reach out to 1-800-273-8255 (NCPL) or suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
Cover image source: Getty Images | Photos by (L) John Phillips and (R) Dominic Lipinski